Free at last, free at last … thank God Almighty I’m free at last! I clearly remember that sunny Saturday almost 15 years ago. It was the day my 20-year masturbation addiction finally died.

Instead of sleeping in I got up early, determined to rake and bag a yard full of leaves. Around noon I was sweaty and tired, but felt accomplished as I finished twist-tying and hauling the last heavy bag to the sidewalk for pickup.

Afterward a much-needed shower, my thoughts turned to relaxing in bed with a book or even dozing off. As I lay there reading, my still-damp hair cooling the back of my neck, that old familiar urge to satisfy myself suddenly visited. Quickly I thought of how many times in the past weeks I had said no to the urge and how good I had felt about these victories. Not wanting to lose any ground I had gained, I cried out to God for help and just as quickly I heard His still, small Voice, Take a walk.

Much as I didn’t want to go back out into the heat and humidity after feeling so cool and clean, I knew that I needed to obey because the conditions were ripe for a fall. I forced myself up, put on some clean, comfortable clothes and called my dog who was always up for a walk. I don’t remember anything exceptional about that walk except that later I realized it really was my final victory lap in a very long and frustrating race. Yeah! The enemy of my soul had finally lost in yet another area and God and I had finally won!

So how did masturbation get such power over me that I was hooked for two decades? Well, it all started when I was a kid -- where many life-controlling habits, good and bad, have their roots. As a pre-teen a friend loaned me a XXX-rated paperback and I, unwisely, read the raunchy rag. It planted some really rotten seeds in my mind and heart that years later sprouted into a garden of weeds. One of those weeds was masturbation.

Nothing happened for five years. Then one day while I was alone -- and lonely -- [not a good combination, to say the least] the pornographic words [and resultant images] that had been imprinted on my mind revisited my thoughts and I bought their dumb lies! I listened to the thoughts telling me to just try it and rationalized what could just trying it’ hurt? A lot.

Almost instantly I got high on a feeling [as the song goes], which led to another good feeling episode, then another and another till this little secret became a monthly, then a weekly, and sometimes a daily routine. I wanted it yet I hated it, always fearful of getting caught. Then what?! I couldn’t bear the thought! But then I couldn’t stop either ‘cause the urge was too strong by now. Yuk! I was stuck!

And wouldn’t you know it, this insatiable lust brought its friends who soon became part of my persona [or so it seemed]: depression, roller coaster emotions, sarcasm, mocking, self-hate, and a bunch of other unsavory emotions. Yeah, right, just try it! Forget that! Try it and get hooked - by a crook [The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy John 10:10 reads.] is more like it!

Sometime after I got hooked I overheard someone say that the woman who used to live in the room where my addiction began What I didn’t know when I had engaged in some really perverted sex acts. started this supposedly innocent, feel good habit is that I, who had already been seeded with porn trash five years earlier, had unknowingly walked into a major trap/ambush that further stole my innocence and other beautiful gifts God meant for me to enjoy -- plus take heaps of humility to shed.

So now you know how I got hooked. Let’s move on to the good part - how I got free - and how you can too! In a word: accountability. I remembered the power of this amazing tool from when I attended an Anonymous program that helped me dump another bad habit -- overeating.

The leader at one particular meeting I attended told the group that if the urge to pig out came, the solution was to phone someone in the Anonymous group. Wouldn’t ya know it, a few days later I needed that advice. I bravely got up the courage to call the number and guess what? It worked! With my pig out food in front of me and my anonymous friend on the line, I told her what I was about to do and sort of challenged her to talk me out of it.

She didn’t freak out or get offended, she just asked me what had recently happened. [Later I learned it was to reveal what triggered my binge so that she could help me avoid future set-ups and upsets]. Then she listened, which helped a lot. After dumping a bunch of pain into her ear, I suddenly realized that I was breathing more easily and no longer wanted to stuff my face with junk food when I wasn’t even hungry! It was amazing! I couldn’t care less about pigging out now because I was feeling something far better -- self respect! Cool! So I told her that then thanked her and threw the rest of the junk food away.

It wasn’t exactly that way with getting free from masturbation, but the whole ‘blowing the lid off the shame thing’ was almost identical. I had said I wanted to get free for quite awhile, but when the temptation to satisfy myself came - usually around the time of my monthly cycle - I would make excuses and once again fall.

It seemed like fantasy had a lot to do with it too, and not always sexual fantasies either. Sometimes living-in-the- future-fantasies, like day dreaming about what a fairytale life I was going to have … some day. But once I climaxed, the fantasies and the good feelings both disappeared and I went back to my roller coaster life with some exciting ups, but also a ton of painful downs.

Then I got into relationship with a person -- who later became my spouse. While he also had a bunch of addictive habits -- this wasn’t one of them and he didn’t judge me -- at least not in this area. [Now between us, unless you’re married to someone who won’t condemn you, make sure your accountability partner isn’t someone [male or female] who is going to tempt you to sin sexually or in other ways].

So one day after falling … again, I decided to try the accountability thing that had worked with overeating. And guess what? It worked! Now, please understand, it took a lot of courage to admit to him what I had just done [masturbated], but I really wanted to get free. Because of this strong desire for freedom, I became willing to pay the price [of exposing my shame] and I did.

When I confessed that first time I was really embarrassed and I sheepishly used a code word that I knew we’d both understood. Inside I braced myself for a look [of condemnation], a sarcastic remark [I sure had said a bunch of them!] or a lecture, but instead received a gift. Very simply and kindly he said, I forgive you.

Wow, did that feel good! Before he could change his mind or say anything else I simply accepted his gift, got up and joyfully went on with my life. Wow, I remember thinking, I could get hooked on that feeling!

As good as that high was, it only lasted a few days and then the M-demons returned to tempt me again. Yup, I gave in … again. Sigh. Bummer! But, inside I knew that I was gaining ground. Why? Because I knew I had a tool [accountability] that I could use to win -- if only I would use it. So, the next time the urge came, I told myself that if I gave in I would have to confess. I did fall … but I also confessed! And you know what? It worked!

The urge to masturbate became less and less with each passing month because I used this have to confess approach, which made me think twice before falling again. Then finally I was able to confess before falling and then eventually not fall at all! I strongly believe that because the demons in me knew that I was going to expose them to the Light [Jesus said in John 8:12, I am the Light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.

Like scattering roaches that hate being exposed to the light, they hid [quieted down] and eventually left. They had lost their captive [me] because they saw that I wasn’t giving them any more agreement or legal ground. From that sunny Saturday to today -- almost 15 years -- I AM FREE!

I have to give God and my forgiving, patient accountability partner a lot of credit as it took me about 10 years from the first time I first confessed this shameful habit to finally get and stay 100% free. Another really big help in overcoming this and other addictive behaviors was praying A LOT in the Holy Spirit or praying in tongues, [aka one’s heavenly prayer language].

Here’s some really good scriptures you can look up about this wonderful gift: Luke 11: 9-13; Acts 2; I Corinthians 14: 2, 18; and Jude 1:20. If you don’t have this awesome, powerful gift, I HIGHLY recommend you seek God to receive it because when you pray in the spirit, you pray beyond your own understanding [read Romans 8:26 - 28] and you allow the Holy Spirit to pray through you. He gives you all sorts of help in overcoming this and any other shameful habits because God doesn’t want you addicted to anything or anyone but Him. He’s so awesome!

Also, I know that some Christian leaders say that masturbation is not so bad and they downplay its effects, but if you’ve ever been hooked, like I was, you know it’s such bondage! One leader, however, whose words really did help me said this, I’ve never known anyone who wanted to move on in the things of God who didn’t have to deal with this issue [referring to masturbation] if it was a problem for them. I agree.

There are all sorts of rotten spirits that come with this package. One of them is independence: I don’t need men or women. I can satisfy myself is the attitude. Wrong! God made us to be interdependent, not independent. We do need each other -- a lot more than we sometimes think. Some of the other trashy spirits that often hang out with masturbation are uncleanness, lust, shame, self-hatred, mistrust, fear, fantasy lust, perversion, self-pity, sarcasm, mocking and the victim and predator spirits. Yuk!

You don’t want that mess and God sure doesn’t want it for you either! So get honest with yourself and Him and confess the fantasy and selfishness [lust is selfish; love is selfless] as sin and ask Him to show you if there is anyone [including yourself] that you need to forgive so that you can really be really free. Forgive? Yes, forgive.

You see, what I realized is that I could have gotten free a lot sooner if I had known that “the axe is laid unto the root of the trees” [see Matthew 3:10]. But I do now and so can you!! Also, ask Him to guide you to at least one other trusted human being who can help you as an accountability partner. He will and you too can get and stay free!

Also, there are some really helpful books. One that rocked my world is The Broken Image [ISBN: 0-8010-5334-X], by Leanne Payne. On pages 77 - 81 she shares about a man named Randy, an artist, who struggled with habitual masturbation and how it inhibited not only his personal life, but also his artistic endeavors.

This really made sense to me because soon after that sunny Saturday when I got fully and finally free [although it was the many coming clean times before that wonderful day that eventually led to my final freedom], I started writing poetry and joyfully dancing before God. And it was really cool ‘cause an artist friend of mine told me that she saw a real increase in my level of creativity. Another book that some friends highly recommended, but which I haven’t read is, Single, Saved and Having Sex by Ty Adams, [ISBN: 0-9740132-0-X].

Another place where you can find help is L.I.F.E. Inc., Box 353, New York, NY 10185, This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it , 212-768-2366.

The Shame, Fear & Control, a CD series can be purchased here .

I know it’s not easy to fess up, but it is so freeing and so necessary if you want to really enjoy your life and not be in bondage to this or other addictive habits. May I pray for you?

Lord Jesus, you know everything about this person and you love him/her deeply. You know that he/she really wants freedom from this addiction or he/she wouldn’t be reading this right now. You set me free and You “do not show favoritism” [read Acts 10:34] so I ask you to give them this marvelous gift of freedom too. Help them recognize that You’re a good God, a loving Daddy and a Friend who wants to help them to be all they can be. Daddy, you gave me the courage and ability to obey I Corinthians 6:18, which reads flee from sexual immorality.

All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. So please give them the peace of God, which passes all understanding too [read Philippians 4:7]. Would you also guide them to people and places where they can find one or more trusted accountability partner(s) so they too can get and stay free and then help others do the same? Thank You, Lord! I love and trust You to do what you promised in Your word: … and whoever comes to me I will never drive away.” [read John 6:37].

In the might and marvelous name of Jesus Christ,

Amen! [which means, So be it!]

Victim and Predator Spirit Prayer That You Can Pray

I give you permission God, to remove any and all traces of victim and predator spirit and I declare to you God that I need your strength and guidance to change.

I repent of any actions on my part of submitting wrongfully to any predator spirit in any person.

I repent of giving them authority over me. Lord Jesus, please forgive me.

I fire every authority figure and person, who has preyed on me.

Every teacher, mentor, boss, pastor, peer, babysitter and family member.

I forgive everyone who has used me as a victim.

I declare today that I am no longer a victim, or a predators’ puppet.

I sever myself, body, soul, and spirit, from every ungodly attachment that has been made between myself and any predator.

I take back from any predator, all wrong power and authority that I gave them over myself, that would determine a wrong identity in me, or any ungodly response. I give that authority back to the Lord Jesus, who really determines my identity and destiny.

Where I have been a predator, I repent of any action and loose any control I have had over anyone in regard to that area. Please forgive me Jesus.

I place You Jesus back on the throne of my heart.

I declare victory over failure. I declare that I shall have dominion over my life, my circumstances and my responsibilities as appointed to me by the Lord Jesus, amen.

Thank you for taking your time to read this freedom from masturbation article on Healed People, Heal People. If you have questions regarding this article on masturbation, place a comment here. If you are not a member of this online community, you can join for free here. You'll receive regular updates of encouragement wrapped in biblical truths.